If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
