You're my little dorito
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
