taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
