We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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