Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
