So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
