So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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