There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
