So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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