apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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