i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
