she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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