my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
