Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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