I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
