Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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