where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
