So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
