i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
