Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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