Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
