my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
