absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
