you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
