If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
