So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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