can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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