Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
two words: eviction party
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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