I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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