Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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