a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
