You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
