yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
