White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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