Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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