The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
