I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
