he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
