This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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