Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
