as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
