come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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