his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize