Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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