wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
