i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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