Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
