How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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