I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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