i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
