I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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