Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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