the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
