This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
