It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
