in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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