So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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