I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How naked do you want me to be?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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