just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My dick has a subreddit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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