I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
