So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
