we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
high people should be assigned attendants
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
