I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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